i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
