"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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