I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
