she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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