I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize