So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
