Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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