pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
