cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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