Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
