Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
