I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
