Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
