I think I am morally bankrupt
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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