i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
