Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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