So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize