**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i love accidental penises.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
