So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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