Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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