you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
