Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
