Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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