I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
