I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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