So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
