I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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