Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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