"it" just moved
I just pynch a tree in the face
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
