shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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