i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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