i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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