I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
