its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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