and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i drank out of a bidet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
