I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
