First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
