**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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