I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
