Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize