Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
third nipple confirmed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
