It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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