the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
