my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
