I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
