I cockslap morals
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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