I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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