Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize