if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
