Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
