Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
