weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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