You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
we made out on top of his cat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
