There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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