Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize