only if we run a train.
done.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
