You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
