i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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