biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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