I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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