Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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