Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
