hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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