Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize