So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
