so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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