she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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