she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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