that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
