i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
