yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
